4 a.m. Wallpapering of an Emptying Nest

 This is for all of those mothers who are finding themselves being abandoned by their newly grown baby birds. Those of us who catch ourselves wondering around our homes at 4 am, after the husband has gotten up to go hunting in the wee hours of a cold December morning just days before we navigate a Christmas without yet another one of our offspring. Some of us may still have one more left in the nest that's right on the cusp of flying the coop, just months away from finishing high school and venturing out into the college realm preparing to go life on their own. None of the home economics classes in school could have ever prepared us for this part of parenting. No life less baby doll, or sack of flour, being sent home with us to mimic an infant comes close to this combined feeling of pride and emptiness that we feel. Myself personally watched one that I am so proud to have had a small part in guiding to maturity venture off into that terrifying world of the Marines. Never have I felt so much patriotism and hatred towards my country as I have these last few years watching him follow this potentially dangerous path.  My first born daughter did her best to distract me by, although being exceptionally well behaved growing up, deciding to pack as much into the last two years of her teens as she could. Her twelfth grade year she presented me with what would become one of my favorite experiences in life so far. Aside from being proud of her for finishing her schooling with a diploma in one of the most insane years of my time on this earth next to 9/11, she gifted me a miniature best friend that I didn't know I needed. Never did I imagine watching my daughter become a mother would make me so happy. She gave my husband an experience that he needed so desperately after the sudden loss of his mother. I would give anything to be able to give him a child of his own blood, but sharing these years and experiences with him has been an amazing journey. Watching her marry and move out into the world with the love of her life, father of her child, has been harder on my mental state than I realized it could be. Lord knows I am proud of her for choosing someone so well fit for her, but letting go has been harder than I let on. Now I am watching the carbon copy of myself spread her own wings, preparing to jump over the side as well. I am so excited and terrified to stand here waiting to see what life has in store for her as well. I know that having the love of my life and very best friend will make this journey into the next part of my life will make things so much easier. The added bonus of having a sisterly bond and amazing parents to experience this all has also been a huge blessing as well.. God knows just how much I am going to need him above all else when the time comes for me to handle the journey of letting go of the parents who are better than anyone could ever ask for, for that I am surely going to break. For now, I will go back to hanging the wall paper in my kitchen at 5:40 am while my house is so quiet. To the mothers who are in a similar nest as me, about to be, or have already experienced their nests emptying of the little hatchlings they poured so much of their souls into...you are not alone. 💙🙏